Living a full life as a “retiree” (Full Disability) at 55 after a full life of viola-playing and solving some problems with operating systems and networking that had major cooties, has given me lots and lots and lots of free time. So, being the creative left-brainer (71% and that’s some fucked-up wiring) that I am, I’ve come up with new ways of entertaining myself. But why should I keep all the fun to myself? Not content with just spamming Face Book and making up stupid answers in surveys (why, yes, there are 35% people in this household who are of Aleutian descent) or screwing with the NSA: run the sentence “The Quick Brown Jihad jumped over the lazy Cheney” through 10 translators, starting with English. Then German, Urdu, Chinese, Russian, Arabic, Estonian, French, Samoan and then back to English, and post on Face Book. Do this 10 to 20 times a day, and their sniffer algorithms will barf up meaningless Blargle and die.
Anyway, I took up looking at mugshots, especially those of arrests in and around my area, since it’s always nice to see a familiar face, I ran across this:
“Quandarious” Hammond, had the bad luck to get picked up for something stupidly ridiculous in Tampa. Did baby mama even wonder what the root, “Quandary” means? Per thesaurus.com it means “a delicate situation.” I wonder if he has brothers with names like (per thesaurus.com) “Perplexitymaxus,” “Impassemus,” and his sister “Up-A-Tree-Ney-Ney.” Understandably, ma has absolutely no hope for any of these bright little stars. Or maybe she does, because her name is Delusia-Trey-Ney,
This has got to be the single most spectacularly ridiculous name ever. The only other thing I’ve ever run into was when I did IT support and we would occassionally have to call Chennai, India. These folks were brilliant as hell and wonderful to work with, but they had no idea about how to pick “American-sounding” names. I talked to people there with, (Swear to God) names of, Surprise, Happy Birthday, and Arson. When I mentioned “Arson” to my boss, he said, “hmmm, I wonder if he sits next to “3rd-degree Manslaughter” and “Breaking and Entering.”